Attention Men! Three Rules to Survive Valentine’s Day
If you chuckled when you read the headline, thinking that February 14th is no big deal, then let me direct you immediately to Rule 1.
Rule 1: Don’t Underestimate February 14th
February 14 is NOT just another day. Imagine your significant other watching her friends and other girls receiving cards, calls, candies and flowers, or having special dates lined up for Valentine’s Day. Then imagine you did nothing for her.
V-Day can enhance the course of your relationship, or take it completely off course. The patron saint of lovers is a powerful force, and for that reason it’s imperative that we have a strategy in place for this day.
You may think that the day of hearts is just for those in love. And you would be wrong. Even for those in ‘like’ February 14 is a day when women expect to be surprised, gifted, or carded. And be advised: to Cupid, anyone is a target. Love isn’t planned, which means many of Cupid’s attacks are random and unexpected. So, even if love isn’t in your forecast, watch you back.
Rule 2: Plan ahead.
Have you ever gone to a place that sells flowers or cards the day before V-Day, or on the fateful day itself? It’s not a pretty sight. Grown men are sweating bullets looking over the few cards that are left with matching envelopes. Guys are trying to work with florists to make bouquets out of baby’s breath and fern greenery. And the only candy left is the generic crap that tells your lady she isn’t worth the good stuff, or the good stuff that’s incredibly over-priced.
Valentine’s Day is also a big restaurant day. Getting reservations for just about any place becomes impossible at the last minute, unless you want to have dinner at 3:30pm or midnight.
NOTE: Don’t try the “I didn’t have time to get you anything” line. Valentine’s Day cards and merchandise were on the shelves the day after Christmas.
How do you start planning? Simply ACT. Acknowledgement – Consideration – Time.
Acknowledgement – V-Day is an opportunity to do, to give, or say something special or fun to your significant other. Letting the day pass without even acknowledging it is an opportunity lost, a cowardly, an inexcusable, and an inconsiderate inaction, plain and simple. (My wife explained that to me one year.) An extra hug or a call to her during the day is at least something. And it will be appreciated.
Consider what she enjoys – Don’t limit yourself to those things traditional or something red or with hearts. If she loves cinnamon bagels, deliver a few in a box with a note. If she enjoys reading, get her a book or a gift certificate to a book store. If she enjoys drinking beer and watching sports at every opportunity, marry her.
Time – Whatever you decide to do, spend the time and commit to doing it. “It’s the thought that counts,” was said by a guy in the early 1800’s when he gave his wife nothing on Valentine’s Day. It didn’t fly then, and it won’t fly now.
Rule 3: Stay calm and don’t panic.
Women can smell panic.
Just remember that you ‘da man. You control the day. You can do this.
However, if you haven’t followed Rule 2, I’d be getting a little nervous.
For those of you who have planned ahead and are prepared, relax. Even is she doesn’t really care for what you have in store, you spent time on her for Valentine’s Day. And that is the biggest gift of all to her. You are to be applauded for your effort.
For those of you who have nothing going at the 11th hour, stay calm. I have a one instruction below that may help you avoid a Valentine’s Day massacre.
Make it personal.
Even if you have no time to purchase anything or going anywhere to eat, you can still come out of this alive.
1. Find a relatively nice piece of paper and an envelope.
- In legible handwriting or printing, write a simple note on the paper. This could be “I love you” or “I don’t need a card from a store to tell you how much I love you.”
- Create a coupon for something you don’t have to buy and can pull off at a moment’s notice: special hugs and kisses good for one year, cuddling in front of the TV with popcorn and wine, painting her toenails, etc.
- The envelope could have her name surrounded by a heart, it could be addressed to “My Love” or “Lover” or “My Special Dominatrix”. The point is that you personalize it.
2. Cook some kind of dinner.
- Even if it’s wine with Mac N Cheese, you can have candles, play music in the background. Be sure to pull out here chair for her, talk in a very bad French accent, treat paper plates like they’re made of expensive china. It’s the atmosphere that you control that makes the mood and creates the fun and romance.
- Have an indoor picnic on the living room floor, or in the bedroom.
3. Feign illness.
- This is a desperate last minute ploy that is incredibly dangerous. (In fact, the only thing more dangerous is giving your mistress your cell number.) This is a last result if you have no imagination whatsoever, and you are willing to put your relationship at risk. On the positive side, it’s the least expensive option.
- Come down with something out of the blue, but believable. (Malaria is not believable.) Tell her you knew you should have gotten the vaccine. Apologize for being sick. Tell her you had something nice and simple planned and that you’ll do it next week.
- Be convincing, or you may need medication and a doctor’s care for real.
Of course, being dishonest about your health is not what these tips are about. They are about surviving Feb 14th by simply being aware of the date and spending some time to let your lady know you are thinking about her and how special she is on this day.
It will go a long way to strengthen your relationship. And, it will go a long way toward getting permission to watch the NCAA tournament in March.